Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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