You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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