I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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