I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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