she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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