I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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