Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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