just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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