dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize