despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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