he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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