Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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