I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize