i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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