This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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