so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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