just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
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woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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