it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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