test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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