my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You can't special order awesome
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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