He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize