so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
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Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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