The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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