google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
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He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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