it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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