I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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