dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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