i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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