I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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