I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
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I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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