This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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