she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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