Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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