i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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