So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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