woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize