Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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