Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize