The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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