I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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