so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize