My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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