Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize