I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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