About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize