well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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