I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize