Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
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