you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize