I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize